


Hot Cocoa Kisses

by projectsuvi



Series: Train to Juneau [1]
Category: Half Life, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1920s, Alternate Universe - Historical, First Kiss, Gordon’s a WW1 vet, Internalized Homophobia, Its a lot of yearning at first, Its a murder mystery AU, M/M, Tommy has some internalized homophobia because it’s the 20s, Tommy is partially deaf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:10:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26360116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/projectsuvi/pseuds/projectsuvi
Summary: “Oh. Evening, Mr. Freeman!” Tommy says, plastering a gentlemanly smile on his face. Maybe he can mask the pain. “F-fancy seeing you at this hour.”“I couldn’t sleep, and I noticed you were still up. Mind if I take a seat?” Gordon smiles- it’s positively radiant. Lord help him, if he’s not careful with that smile, Tommy’s going to fall in love with him. And where would they be then?(Or- A 1920s AU wherein Tommy is a detective, and might have a thing for one of the suspects.)
Relationships: Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman
Series: Train to Juneau [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1915501
Comments: 10
Kudos: 92





	Hot Cocoa Kisses

Tommy watches the trees blur outside the window, the sounds of the train fading into white noise. It looks like an impressionist painting, streaks of white and green. It would be beautiful if it wasn’t for the ache in his chest, the buzz in the back of his mind. 

Tommy promised himself he wouldn’t break down, not until he solved his father’s murder. Or at least got to Juneau. Then he could rest, and could let the pain soak in, alone in his room. Out of the public eye. 

He rests his head against the cool glass of the window, running his thumbs over the soft material of his scarf. It’s dreadfully quiet on the train. He finds himself wishing for his radio, for some kind of noise or stimulation. He might be partially deaf, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want noise. 

It’s late at night, and everyone else is in the sleeper car. That’s both a blessing and curse.

Tommy can’t bring himself to try and sleep. He’s got three days left, and no new leads. Everyone’s got a motive, everyone could be guilty. Hell, even Tommy does. It’s kind of funny- the detective has a motive. 

The only thing he’s got to go on is a few stories-that-could-be-lies and a bottle of arsenic. What the hell is he supposed to do with that? 

God, of course his father’s death couldn’t be easy. Nothing could be, with business tycoon Gregory Mann-Coolatta. 

The door opens on the other side of the car, and there’s a soft sound of grumbling. Tommy could recognize that voice anywhere, the quick cadence and familial tone. 

Sure enough, Dr. Gordon Freeman stands there, holding a tray with two mugs and a metal kettle. His hair is down, and he’s in his nightclothes. He’s still wearing his prosthetic, the metal hook holding the tray awkwardly. Tommy always thought Gordon’s hair was the strangest thing about his appearance. He could care less about the fake arm, but long hair! In 1924! The novelty! It suits Gordon well, even if it is unconventional. 

“Oh. Evening, Mr. Freeman!” Tommy says, plastering a gentlemanly smile on his face. Maybe he can mask the pain. “F-fancy seeing you at this hour.” 

“I couldn’t sleep, and I noticed you were still up. Mind if I take a seat?” Gordon smiles- it’s positively radiant. Lord help him, if he’s not careful with that smile, Tommy’s going to fall in love with him. And where would they be then? 

“Of course!” Tommy actually doesn’t mind the company. It’s better than being stuck into his own head. 

Gordon slides into the seat across from him and sighs. “I brought hot cocoa. From the dining car. I find it comforting, and I thought you might need some comfort…”

Tommy’s heart flutters in his chest. Gordon’s thinking of him? Gordon wants to take care of him? It’s such a small sentiment, but it sends Tommy’s thoughts into a loop. He’s been so long without any form of affection, and god, he needs it...If someone hugs him, Tommy thinks he might melt into a puddle. And Gordon does look like he’d give wonderful hugs, what with his strong arms and soft form...and those evergreen eyes…

Maybe, in another universe, and another time, Gordon Freeman could be his. But here and now, Tommy hasn’t the slightest idea if Gordon could be gay, and truthfully, he’s scared to ask. He doesn’t want to ruin this blossoming friendship with foolish assumptions. So he shuts his mouth and resigns himself to stolen glances. As he always seems to do. 

“Tommy? Are you alright?” Gordon asks, and he sounds so genuinely concerned that Tommy almost can’t take it. 

“O-oh. I’m sorry, I must’ve zoned.” Tommy sighs, running his fingers through his hair. When he looked in the powder room mirror earlier, he had two new grey streaks. All in the course of three days. God, this week is going to be abysmal isn’t it? No, he’s not going to let himself think about it, because if he does he’ll collapse into a depression and he can’t have that. 

“It’s alright. You have every right to be upset, you know,” Gordon says, running his finger around the rim of his cup. His gaze is sincere. 

Tommy shrugs. “It’s fine. I don’t have time to mourn.” 

Gordon raises an eyebrow at this. Tommy can’t decide if he’s enjoying Gordon’s concern or if it’s annoying him. “That’s unhealthy, Tommy. I know people say men don’t cry, but they certainly do when their fathers pass away.” 

“Mr. Freeman, I appreciate the uh, the concern, but I’m alright. I swear.” Tommy’s an awful liar, and he knows it. 

“Tommy…” Gordon opens his mouth to speak, but he can’t seem to find the words. He just stares at the other man, something unreadable in those evergreen eyes. 

Tommy’s stomach flips. He hates being pitied, but he can’t bring himself to look away. Maybe it’s better to let himself be cared for for once, to stop pushing people away. He always prioritizes others’ feelings...maybe it’s time to shift the focus to himself. It’s so hard to do, though. 

He wants to speak, but what is there to say? I’m sorry I like to push my feelings in a bottle? 

To Tommy’s surprise, Gordon stands. He thinks he’s going to leave, tired of Tommy’s mess, but instead he offers Tommy his hand. He looks like some lost gentlemanly soul from somewhere far away, and Tommy doesn’t think his heart can take much more of this.

Tommy gapes at him. “Wha-“

Gordon smiles. “Come on. Let’s go explore the train, shall we? Everyone’s asleep, and you’ve gotta see the last car.” 

Oh. Tommy must’ve looked conflicted, because Gordon adds, “It’ll be fun. A distraction.” And God knows Tommy needs a distraction. 

So, in a moment of what’s probably foolish thinking, he takes Gordon’s hand. Gordon’s smile widens. Tommy does his best to ignore his traitorous thoughts. 

Gordon leads him through the train. Moving between the cars is fairly anxiety inducing for Tommy, but somehow Gordon does it with ease. Standing out on that unfenced walkway, feeling the train sway and the wind in his hair, it’s too much for Tommy. He likes to think he’s a logical person, and logically it’d be easy for someone to shove him off from here. Off, off and away, tumbling into the snow, never to be seen again…

Okay, maybe he’s a little paranoid. 

It’s a decently short walk. They pass through all of three cars before they reach the last car. It’s nearly identical to the one Tommy was in, but with a balcony at the end. 

Gordon’s still holding his hand, Tommy realizes with a start. And he’s still leading him, back towards the balcony. Oh dear. 

Gordon opens the door, guides him out, and Tommy gasps. 

“It’s beautiful!”

Aurora Borealis dances in the sky among the stars, reflecting blue and green on the fresh snow. The train is still moving, but the sway is fine, and the wind in his hair feels exhilaratingly cold. It’s beautiful. Surely, his expression must be amusing, a look of childlike wonder. Tommy looks back at Gordon, but Gordon isn’t looking at the stars. He’s staring back at him. 

Tommy’s stomach flips. They’re standing close, both of them leaning on the metal railing. So close...if one of them moved a little further forwards...

He shouldn’t be thinking like this. He shouldn’t be staring into Gordon’s eyes. He shouldn’t be thinking about how close they are, about the cocoa powder dust of freckles across Gordon’s cheeks. 

This is wrong. 

But he can’t seem to stop. 

Gordon reaches up, runs his fingers through Tommy’s hair. Tommy’s breath hitches in his chest. This is happening. Thank God everyone else is asleep. “You’re beautiful,” Gordon murmurs. “You know that? An absolute doll.” 

“Gordon?” Tommy stammers, and he hates how he leans into his touch. Foolish and reckless. But isn’t he always? 

He’s not sure who leans in first. When he feels the soft press of Gordon’s lips on his, the world seems to melt away, any resolve forgotten. Gordon kisses like how he acts; passionate, diving headfirst. Tommy’s fingers curl where his hand is resting on Gordon’s chest, and he’s sure Gordon can hear how hard his heart is pounding. 

There’s a strange hot-cold feeling, from the chill of the breeze to the warmth of the kiss. It sends tingles down Tommy’s spine. He can’t quite believe this is happening, if he’s being honest. It feels like a dream. 

Gordon’s hand slides to the back of his neck, deepening the kiss just slightly, and Tommy thinks he might just shatter with how gently he touches him. Gordon tastes like cocoa and warm. He tastes like home. Tommy wants to drown in him, forget that anything exists but evergreen eyes. 

All good things must come to an end, unfortunately. Tommy practically whines when Gordon pulls away, both of them needing air. Damned lungs. 

The flush on Gordon’s cheeks is absolutely precious. He’s smiling, and this all feels like a fever dream. Tommy’s in love, he’s in love in the worst way, and it practically aches. “Wow. That was…” 

“Wonderful.” Gordon says, and it’s all Tommy can do to keep from pulling him into another kiss. 

Thankfully, he doesn’t have to. Gordon’s smile widens. “Can we do that again?” 

Tommy doesn’t say no.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for my Train to Juneau AU! I haven’t decided if I want it to be a fic yet or just an ask blog...
> 
> Anyways I wanted practice writing kisses so I decided to do this. It’s not great pffff. 
> 
> Yell at me on the hell site, @projectsuvi!


End file.
